Restless in the Waiting

I’m so confused. So wonderfully confused. I was given my call at 17. “You are going to be a counselor.” These words were spoken and might has well have been audible. I believed them and I obeyed. I took every step to become a counselor. Every decision made was to suit this path. I never strayed and I stayed the path- one mission in mind- finish the calling God placed on my heart. Each day this passion drove me harder and harder to complete this goal. I knew I had years of schooling left and it didn’t matter because I was going to fulfill the one thing God told me to do. The thing I believed I was destined to do. So what happens when you get there, you reach that goal and God says, “Not yet.” Your heart breaks a little.

But why Lord, if I have been nothing but obedient in staying the path would you tell me, “I’m not ready yet to enter into my greater calling.” I need greater training and refining in this stage of the “not yet.” In patient endurance and my mind, I know this to be true, but my soul craves something else. At this point, my soul is just about as restless as my physical body is worn down and my mind is exhausted. My soul waits- but while it waits it is restless.

Psalms says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I place my hope.” (Psalm 130)

My hope is founded in his word- his promise. What he finished, he will complete. We learn in Hebrews that hope is an anchor for our soul. The hope is firm, secure, steady. Unshakable! The hope that anchors my soul is unshakable. This anchor is unbreakable and is “fastened to the mercy seat” the place where Jesus himself entered to give us redemption and a calm for our restless souls.

Honestly, as I write this, my soul is in a place of restlessness- but this HOPE that is spoken about in Hebrews has the ability to stop my restless soul from wandering into the deep abyss of “why God.”

I can pretty much ascertain that at one point or another each and every one of our souls has whispered the words “why God.” These words are dangerous because they cause us to doubt the promises of God. Doubt is one of Satan’s greatest battle tactics. If he continually plant these seeds, the more we feed them, the greater the chance is for them to grow.

In order for us to combat doubt, we need to do just the opposite, hold firmly to the promises of God. The anchor. Our HOPE. Restlessness is cured by fixing our eyes on the promises of God. When we are firmly anchored, our soul cannot be restless. I believe this is something I failed to remember today. So I am especially teaching myself right now in this moment- to anchor my soul to the promises God has spoken over my life. If he says not yet, then I need to anchor my soul to the fact that it may not be “not yet” but it will be “one day.” God hasn’t said ‘NO” to the promises he spoke over me, he said “not yet.” I believe there is a big difference between the two, and they should be confused. The NOT YET offers HOPE. So I will anchor my not yet to the hope of the promises he has spoken over me- over and over.

He has proved again and again that these promises will come true through patient endurance- but to have patient endurance, I need to have HOPE in his promises and FAITH to follow through in action and obedience.

I am convinced that the “not yet” right now means that he has greater things in store, if I can just wait on his timing to follow through on his promises. He doesn’t want me to have “good” or “good enough.” His promises offer us his best! Hebrews 6 says, “Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident in your case- of better things- things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them” (Hebrews 6:9-10). I am convinced of better things and he will not forget me! And I also do not find it coincidence that these two verses accompany the verse I have come to call my life’s mission. God is so purposeful and he is intentional. He sees my heart, knows it is breaking, but I am convinced of better things because God never forgets his promises.