When fear outweighs faith...

I’m one who is known to spiral. At one point, it looks like I have it altogether and the next- I’m in an extremely low and dark place. I can go from being on Cloud 9 the day before to down and low for no particular reason. Even though God showers me with assurance in one moment, in the next the devil casts fear shadows in my soul.

If I can take your eyes off the prize for one second, then I’ve got you. The assurance God has given you won’t even matter. I’ll make you reel so hard that soon enough you won’t be able to take it. You will have no choice but to crawl into your bed and assume the fetal position. To regress to a state of fear over faith.

There’s this concept of staying the path. And even though we may not veer off the path, the moment we take our eyes off Jesus, we become vulnerable to the messages of failure and worthlessness the enemy twists. The place where fear outweighs faith is a dangerous place to visit.

It is dangerous because that’s not where the King of Kings is found- it is where the prince of darkness slithers and seizes. He seizes our hopes and dreams and plants doubt where there once was joy and assurance. But we let him. I let him. I let him tell me I am not good enough- that I am going to fail, that I’m crazy for believing God. I let him drag me into the darkness. I let my fear outweigh my faith.

I think in the past it was easier to hide in the shadows. I was always one to fly under the radar- never in the limelight and it was easier that way. It may have been easier, but I was not free!

In this analogy, I see Peter. His fear always overwhelmed his faith. That is- until the Holy Spirit empowered and compelled him to become this fearless mogul for the early church.

For the longest time, I hid in the boat with the other disciples, crossing my fingers saying, “Lord, don’t call on me. It is safer in here- right here in this place- out of the limelight.” But then Jesus walking on water in all his glory called the most scared of them all out of the boat. He called on Peter. Peter’s legs were wobbly like a baby deer learning to walk for the first time. But he began to walk- despite his fear. He saw Jesus standing out upon the water and his faith kept me afloat, but when just for a second, he took his eyes off the savior, he began to sink. When he asked the Lord to save him- Jesus grabbed his hand and said, “You of little faith- why did you doubt?’ (Matthew 14:31).

I am Peter in this story. I was hiding in the boat- but Jesus called me out onto the water. My first few steps were steady because my gaze was transfixed on Jesus’s face. But the moment fear creeps in, I start to sink, and I spiral into darkness, just like Peter.

Jesus gave Peter assurance to “come.” He has given me the same assurance, but just like Peter, I sometimes sink. That phrase “you of little faith” has been a dagger to my soul this week- because even though I have been known to be a person of big faith- this week my faith has been small. God has convicted me of this several times this week- all with the same “you of little faith” in different contexts.

It’s heavy- but he is right! I have been letting fear outweigh my faith. And that is exactly what the prince of darkness wants- for my fear to cause me to sink. Be on guard.

Since God has given me nothing but assurance this week, the devil knows God has something big in store for me- outside the boat! But the devil doesn’t want that- he doesn’t want my eyes to be fixed. So he stirs a little fear. He plants a little doubt. I look to my right and to my left, and then I’m sinking.

I can’t walk on water without him! His power. His presence. His provision. His hand. His face. I need him. I cant step out onto the water without him or I will sink every time.